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This unique take got here in a throwaway line on The Dan Le Batard Present with Stugotz by Chris Wittyngham earlier than he turned Quittyngham. And I felt like I wanted to expound upon this take (that I doubt he even thought of to be a take, extra than simply an outward thought). If we at Korked Bats ever begin an organization softball crew, you higher imagine we’re naming ourselves the Vampires. For 2 causes: 1. extra groups should be named the Vampires (*Stugotz voice* “THE VAMPS!”). And a couple of. Bats is in our title, so I really feel prefer it’s solely becoming. However anyway, right here’s my argument for the legendary parasitical creature turning into a lovable crew mascot…
Good day, Lads. Extra groups should be nicknamed the Vampires
Let me begin my argument with a easy query: The place would you slightly go to varsity? At a college known as a Cardinal, the place their mascot is a dumb – and creepy AF – tree, or the place the mascot is a bloodsucking Don Juan with a widow’s peak? At a college of upper studying, would you slightly rah rah for a human with a buckeye for a head, or root root for a fair-skinned, fanged, Animorphable bat? Would you slightly cheer for an ominous pink blob from the hills of western Kentucky or pull for a monster so terrifying it was the principle star of 4 Y.A. novels written by writer Stephanie Meyer, and later tailored into 5 full-length characteristic movies starring Robert Pattinson?! OH HELL YEAH, amirite?! Really, don’t reply that as a result of Massive Pink is a dope ass mascot. Regardless of the hell it’s. However nonetheless. Vampires are doper than 99. Plus, like Aubrey Plaza, Vampires are having a second. You verify the trailer for that new Nic Cage film?
And if we need to speak about their place in present fashionable tradition, effectively, sorry Bruce Wayne, however vampires have been the unique Batman. And technically Batman was initially a vampire.
Like how are we gifting skilled franchises the crew nickname of KRAKEN earlier than VAMPIRES? And it’s not simply hockey. What in regards to the JAZZ or the BROWNS? THE FREAKIN BROWNS?! Hell, that franchise already sucks the life out of 70,000 followers each Sunday. The rebrand there can be good. Hell, if we should always count on any league to make this leap, we needs to be pleading with the NBA. They alter mascots on a regular basis and have dumb ones like Wizards. So absolutely considered one of their franchise will drive a stake by way of their very own coronary heart and roll with the Vamps as a substitute. Right here, I went forward and mocked up a emblem for you.
Did I simply recycle the 76ers dribbling Benny Frank emblem? Okay, possibly. However that is only a idea. In order for you a really unique emblem, right here’s one other utterly distinctive emblem I simply whipped up on a whim.
Look, all I’m saying is: Vampires. Skilled, collegiate, or our personal firm softball mascot. Collision course. The funniest factor to do can be to make a Vampire the mascot of a crew with a distinct crew nickname. If the Titans mascot could be a rattling raccoon or the Chiefs mascot could be a wolf who robs banks, I’m fairly positive the Steelers might commerce in Steely McBeam for Vampy McScream. Braves? Your mascot is a… effectively, we don’t even know what the hell Bloopy is. So why not trade him out for a Hell, Dolphins, you need to make your costumed mascot a blood-thirsty beautillion. Why? Why the hell not? And talking of hell. Artwork Briles.
Cheers, Witty.
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