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The Detroit Lions completed the 2022 NFL season simply narrowly lacking out on its first playoff look since 2016, which occurred to be a really forgettable postseason dud albeit a wonderfully becoming one because of a 26-6 drubbing courtesy of the Seattle Seahawks — the very crew that saved Dan Campbell’s squad out of postseason play final 12 months.
However make no mistake about it, issues are vastly completely different in Detroit now.
Final 12 months’s 9-8 Lions crew proved to be a tricky out all the best way to the end, profitable 5 of their final six video games, punctuated by a fantastic 20-16 season finale victory at Lambeau Discipline in a recreation that additionally turned out to be Aaron Rodgers’ remaining — and extremely meager — look in a Inexperienced Bay Packers uniform.
Unhappy! However probably not.
Anyway, assuming the Lions aren’t derailed by accidents this coming season, all indicators level to an uptick in wins that might doubtless solidify a playoff berth. So it has shortly turn out to be a stark actuality that we’re operating out of time in terms of mocking the Detroit Lions — if we haven’t already.
Alas, Wednesday’s “extremely anticipated” drop of the Lions new alternate helmets for 2023 provided up a ripe alternative for some impromptu comedy that the crew laid out on a silver platter.
A beaut? In a phrase, no.
In additional phrases, “the lion looks like it was drawn by a child,” and I must wholeheartedly agree on that piercingly chilly level.
Poor factor seems to be prefer it was starved for weeks earlier than posing for the long-lasting sketch. The usual Detroit Lions brand we’ve turn out to be so accustomed to would throw that emaciated weakling on a skewer and casually toss it down like a Tic Tac.
Whereas a savagely low-blow remark like “this helmet is even uglier than the Lions’ history” or a really straight-to-the-point opinion of “that is GOD awful” may come throughout a bit harsh, one should remember that each single time a crew on the faculty or skilled stage introduces new uniforms — on this case, helmets that will probably be worn for one soccer recreation — they’re a lock to get crucified.
Nonetheless, one factor that’s seemingly universally agreed upon from Lions followers amidst all the continuing criticism is that combining the brand new alternate helmet with the grey uniforms is seemingly the worst determination within the historical past of selections.
I are likely to vehemently disagree, because the actually inexplicable existence of the Weight-reduction plan Detroit Lion ought to most likely be the one taking the lion’s share of unrelenting darts.
However — and there’s all the time a however — you need to respect the creativity that comes with all of the piling negativity. As a result of that is an excellent interpretation of the Lions’ very particular blue and grey stripes.
It took about quarter-hour for good ole Harrison right here to show these two significant stripes that have been included to signify the franchise’s 90th season into a really unhappy 11-loss marketing campaign.
Or a pause button. There’s that, too.
Speak about nice symbolism. There was nothing extra essential than a pause button in some unspecified time in the future alongside the road.
And whereas I too want to know who signed off on this, if I have been allotted only one query to somebody on the advertising crew it could go as follows:
Why are the blue and grey stripes so ridiculously distinguished and chunky whereas the Lion has tragically been decreased to a sewer rat with nice hair?
Now in the event you occur to be a fan of the Detroit Lions and would favor to weave by way of all this infinite negativity within the hopes of discovering one thing significant to clutch onto, I strongly recommend leaning on God for this one.
Grey hair? Shut sufficient. And also you’re welcome.
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