Our household was on the fitness center this previous weekend and I noticed a public service announcement on the TV.
A younger man on the display screen was telling the story of an vehicle accident. He admitted to texting whereas driving…and induced an accident that took the lives of three youngsters.
The tragic irony? He was texting the phrase “I like you” in the meanwhile of the accident.
After listening to this man’s voice and seeing the anguish in his face, it appeared a secure assumption that he didn’t intend for the accident to occur. Nonetheless, few individuals would argue that his intentions excuse him from the ensuing tragedy and lack of life.
Regardless of an apparent disconnect on this scenario between intent and end result, a number of us mix intent and end in many tough conditions, particularly with powerful conversations. Nearly all of us have made the argument that our phrases ought to be excused as a result of we didn’t intend them to have the end result they did. Most of us have heard individuals say, “Effectively, I didn’t intend it that approach. In the event that they took it the incorrect approach, then that’s their drawback.”
Have you ever ever had somebody incorrect you after which thought to your self:
Wow, I really feel actually offended. Definitely this individual didn’t imply to make me really feel offended. It have to be my drawback that so I’m offended, since this individual would by no means intend any hurt.”
Yeah, me neither.
Excited about the opposite occasion’s intent is commonly the very last thing on our minds. Fallout from conversations gone incorrect divides all of us (typically completely).
Listed below are three ideas to acknowledge so the dialog outcomes we get extra carefully match our intents:
1. Intent doesn’t equal end result.
We regularly assume the worst in others and the perfect in ourselves. Our intentions are most likely good, however others might by no means acknowledge them if we don’t take into account how the message will land with the opposite occasion. All of us ought to take into account the end result we would like when conveying a message, somewhat than merely specializing in intent. Good intentions don’t robotically get good outcomes.
2. Intent isn’t pure.
If we honesty study our motives, most of us uncover that our intent isn’t all the time pure as we predict. We’d typically need to see each events get what they need, however in a pinch, we’ll look out for ourselves first. If we acknowledge this human tendency, we are able to work to manage it.
3. Intent doesn’t excuse end result.
Simply as the great intentions of a driver inflicting an accident don’t negate a tragic end result, our good intentions don’t excuse the issues we trigger in our communications.
Whereas each events assume accountability when speaking, it’s primarily the accountability of the message sender to convey it in a approach that will likely be acquired precisely. Once we miss the mark, we must always look inward first.
[reminder]Which of those three ideas will you apply that will help you navigate a troublesome dialog?[/reminder]